My Secret Life

I’ll never be able to finish this thing (over a million words, most of it repetitive and boring and quite grim), but it’s always fun to look at every now and then. As a social document it’s amazing – read a bit of this and then try and tell me all Victorians were prudes! It’s representative of so much Victorian porn, I think; obviously it’s salacious and so shockingly rude sometimes, and there’s a lot of horrible misogyny to wade through, but there’s also this jolly sort of Carry On feeling to it all, like the old dirty photos you see of men with excellent moustaches going at middle-aged women with big bums and everybody looks so cheerful and British. Victorian porn really makes me laugh, I love it. It’s weird trying to write my own version though. I like the stuff I do because it’s become so funny and almost twee over time, like it barely even feels sexual any more, but it’s not easy to take something I find so entertaining and twist the conventions so it’s still entertaining in a more 21st century kind of way, despite being set in the 1880s.

Anyway, rambling now. Just linking this here because I’ve been talking about it with someone over email recently:

My Secret Life by “Walter”

One of my favourite parts:

[My godfather] stared hard at me. “You look ill.” “No, I am not.” “Yes, you are, look me full in the face, you’ve been frigging yourself,” said he just in so many words. He had never used an improper word to me before. I denied it. He raved out “No denial, sir, no lies, you have, sir; don’t add lying to your bestiality, you’ve been at that filthy trick, I can see it in your face, you’ll die in a mad-house, or of consumption, you shall never had a farthing more pocket-money from me, and I won’t buy your commission, nor leave you any money at my death.” I kept denying it, brazening it out. “Hold your tongue, you young beast, or I’ll write to your mother.” That reduced me to a sullen state, only at times jerking out: “I haven’t!” He put on his hat angrily, and left me in a very uncomfortable state of mind.

Hahaha IT IS A DELIGHT. Stop wanking or you’ll die of consumption!



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